You know what? In the middle of doing my back exercises, I realized something. I hate change. I actually hate everything about it. The uncertainty of it, the learning the new stuff that comes with it, the unpredictability that goes hand-in-hand.
Now I know it shouldn’t be such a light bulb moment for me. After all, I’m the gal who has worked for the same company for 25 years. I stayed in a relationship for 18 years even though I knew we were way past our expiration date about 5 years prior. I eat toast with peanut butter for breakfast everyday. Yes, every single day. Okay, in the last couple of weeks I’ve been making a smoothie and drinking that first before my coffee and toast with peanut butter, but at some point in the morning, the alarm bell will go off in my head and it will be time to reach for that jar.
So, these last few months have been hard for me. Aside from the obvious, breaking my back has brought a lot of change. I no longer have the luxury of assuming that my body will cooperate when I want to move and in the manner I want to move. Now, life is full of negotiations with said body. I can’t just jump out of bed. I have to slowly roll over and pull myself up little by little. Then I have to make sure that there are no spasms and if there are, I need to work those out and quickly go get the heating pad.