Dichotomy of Love

One beautiful summer night last year, I took a walk with my cousins and bitched to them about someone who I felt was doing me wrong. My wise-as-fuck cousin stopped me and said:

“You always want to separate the person that you love from the action that you hate.”

What’s that now!?

How he got this wise is a whole other blog post peeps, but for now, let’s all take a moment to let that one sink in. Feel that punch in the chest? OK, then it’s sunk and we can move on.

That one small sentence — a total of 18 rather smallish words if we’re being completely honest with one another — was the beginning of a transformation I didn’t even know was taking place.

A few days later, I was pacing my apartment, having a conversation in my head with the person who I felt was doing me wrong. Boy was I on a tear! There is nothing like a Greek girl gone mad! Every ounce of frustration that I had suppressed for months came out in a tsunami of vitriol and fury. I listed every last thing they have ever done wrong to me. EVERY. LAST. THING. Minute after minute I paced and purged, purged and paced. My face got redder, my blood pressure got higher and my bitterness spewed thicker and thicker.

Just as I was at my peak hysteria, my wise cousin’s words came back to haunt — I mean remind me:

“You always want to separate the person that you love from the action that you hate.”

Now how the fuck am I supposed to be righteously pissed off if every time I’m in the zone, I stop and remember that I love the person??? Where’s the fun in that? Where’s the winning? What the fuck kind of world domination can there possibly be if I’m focused on loving the person and hating the action? Dammit!

Little-by-little this insidious thought pattern crept its way into every potential argument, stopping it dead in its tracks. Rather than vilifying a person or telling them how they need to change to meet my expectations, I focused on the action that was outside of my allowable boundary.

This shift in perspective — although admittedly not always instantaneous — is unreal when it happens. No longer is there a need for so much drama about who is right and who is wrong. No villain and no heroine. There is simply an issue that needs to be addressed. Together. Like as a Team. You and me against the issue, not you and me against each other.

Let that sink in for a moment. Got it? I freaking told you! Game changer, right?

This morning as I was making breakfast I thought: “what if I could do that not just with the people I love, but with everyone?” I swear it gave me chills. I had to stop what I was doing and pause for a few moments to absorb what that would feel like. Spoiler alert — it’s freaking fantastic.

Then it struck me. This is what yogis mean when they talk about living your yoga practice. It’s one thing to say namaste at the end of a class, but it’s a whole other dimension to look at stranger and in your heart of hearts feel like *the light in my heart deeply bows and honours the light in your heart.”


Now imagine if each of us committed to living this every day, first with our own loved ones, and then maybe one day with each other. I wonder how long it would take for the shift to be felt inside our own homes and then — inevitably — worldwide?

I bet it would be grand.