As I was perusing Facebook this morning, I saw a post by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer that caught my sleepy eye. “It might take a year, it might take a day, but what’s meant to be will always find its way.” Wait, WHAT??? “That can’t be true!” I shouted at the post (yes, I’ve been know to shout at Facebook). If that’s true, why would we ever spend any time carefully weighing the pros and cons of our decisions? Why not just throw caution to the wind? If I’m just going to get to where I was always meant to be anyway, why not live life like it was one big Vegas vacation? Then I remembered the night before …
Yesterday was the first day of my new course, “Selling Your Book” at University of Toronto. For those who don’t know me, I am obsessive about being punctual. Now that doesn’t mean I am always punctual. It simply means that the thought of being late really stresses me out. I think I inherited this phobia from my father. He is NEVER late. In fact, I can hear his voice now saying “Debbie, it’s better to be 30 minutes early than to make people wait on you.” Being the semi-neurotic person I am, I left home a solid 75 minutes before class started. That gave me 45 minutes in case of traffic and another 30 minutes to wander around looking for the building and my class. By the way, I am also directionally challenged. Seriously. If there is a wrong way to go, I will find it.
Anyway, driving was a huge mistake. I got lost in the maze of U of T buildings, parking was a nightmare, no one knew where my building was, and it was freezing cold. Finally, a nice lady who surely heard the panic in my voice, came out of her office and guided me to the right building, which — of course — was in the exact opposite direction of where I was.
Once I was in the building, things didn’t get much better. I wandered around aimlessly looking for my room. 1074, 1076, surely 1078 is next … and a dead end. Next corridor, and no. Suddenly, after wandering around for what felt like an eternity, room 1078. EMPTY? Really? I knew class had already started so I couldn’t understand where everyone was. I charged back into the corridor and just started walking. I walked all the way to room 1088 two corridors over, walked through a classroom door and asked, “Is this Selling Your Book?” to which a group of gob-smacked people said, “Yes. How on earth did you find us?” Who the hell knows? I just got quiet, started to walk and ended up right where I should be. I was a few minutes later than I had planned and definitely not in the room I expected to be in, but I was in fact in the right place. Huh.
The reality of last night’s experience sunk in AFTER I read the quote this morning. “It might take a year, it might take a day, but what’s meant to be will always find its way.” At first I was devastated. I have literally agonized over everything from the smallest decision to the big life-changing ones for the last 40 years. Thousands and thousands of hours have been spent questioning myself. I’ve checked, double-checked and triple checked that my next move wasn’t about to screw up my entire life and leave me homeless, jobless, alone. Was that all wasted? If I was just going to end up where I was meant to be anyway, could I have just said “FUCK IT!” and done whatever the hell I wanted? Dammit!!!!!!!!
It took me the rest of the afternoon to move from devastated to awestruck. I can’t change the way I chose to make my decisions in the past and really, I don’t want to. Yes, I could have used a bit more of the carefreeness that maybe would have come with following my intuition into the unknown. But I didn’t choose that path. I chose the long, sometimes overly cautious and sometimes not so free road. As my Astrologist would say, I’m a late bloomer, but I’m right here, exactly where I’m meant to be. I couldn’t ask for more.